Jersey Devil is my brother!


This is call “X-line” The same form to and from the portal 6 mainly it structure the design aspect roll away in..SO as the path is the widen area of the death path, take to consider the aply which is old 10 and old 5 which is squeal 58 and 24 moon round 82 and 82 and 52 and 21 and 38 and 36 and 48 and 26 and 52 and 32 and 38 and 21 and row 10.compliance

In this way the work of area 6 and area 5 is the stock market to stock the C.U.B.E of 24 round of the………

Path..END Path..En

[ 140 ]

NOW, because I have once or twice
said, in my inconsiderate way of
talking, That I was confident the follow-
ing memoirs of my uncle Toby‘s courtship
of widow Wadman, whenever I got time
to write them, would turn out one of
the most compleat systems, both of the
elementary and practical part of love and
love-making, that ever was addressed to
the world —- are you to imagine from
thence, that I shall set out with a descrip-
tion of what love is ? whether part God
and part Devil, as Plotinus will have
it ——– Or by a more critical equation,
and supposing the whole of love to be
as ten —- to determine, with Ficinus,
How many parts of it — the one, — and
“ how


[ 141 ]

how many the other ;” — or whether it
is all of it one great Devil, from head to
tail, as Plato has taken upon him to
pronounce ; concerning which conceit
of his, I shall not offer my opinion :
— but my opinion of Plato is this ; that
he appears, from this instance, to have
been a man of much the same temper
and way of reasoning with doctor Bayn-
, who, being a great enemy to blis-
ters, as imagining that half a dozen of
’em on at once, would draw a man as
surely to his grave, as a herse and six —
rashly concluded, that the Devil himself
was nothing in the world, but one great
bouncing Cantharidei. ——

I have nothing to say to people who
allow themselves this monstrous liberty
in arguing, but what Nazianzen cried out
(that is polemically) to Philagrius —-

Euge!O rare! ’tis fine reasoning,
Sir, indeed !
— “ hoti philosopheis en Pathesi

13 thoughts on “Execute!

  1. [ 142 ]

    — and most nobly do you aim at truth, when
    you philosophize about it in your moods and

    Nor is it to be imagined, for the same
    reason, I should stop to enquire, whe-
    ther love is a disease, —- or embroil my-
    self with Rhasis and Dioscorides, whether
    the seat of it is in the brain or liver ; —
    because this would lead me on, to an
    examination of the two very opposite
    manners, in which patients have been
    treated —- the one, of Aætius, who
    always begun with a cooling glyster of
    hempseed and bruised cucumbers; — and
    followed on with thin potations of water
    lillies and purslane — to which he added
    a pinch of snuff, of the herb Hanea ; —
    and where Aætius durst venture it, — his

    —- The other, that of Gordonius,
    who (in his cap. 15 de Amore) directs


    • [ 143 ]

      they should be thrashed,“ ad putorem
      usque,” —- till they stink again.

      These are disquisitions, which my fa-
      ther, who had laid in a great stock of
      knowledge of this kind, will be very
      busy with, in the progress of my uncle
      Toby’s affairs : I must anticipate thus
      much, That from his theories of love,
      (with which, by the way, he contrived
      to crucify my uncle Toby’s mind, almost
      as much as his amours themselves) — he
      took a single step into practice ; — and
      by means of a camphorated cerecloth,
      which he found means to impose upon
      the taylor for buckram, whilst he was
      making my uncle Toby a new pair of
      breeches, he produced Gordonius’s effect
      upon my uncle Toby without the dis-

      What changes this produced, will be
      read in its proper place : all that is need-
      4 ful


    • [ 144 ]

      ful to be added to the anecdote, is this,
      —- That whatever effect it had upon
      my uncle Toby, —- it had a vile effect
      upon the house ; —- and if my uncle
      Toby had not smoaked it down as he did,
      it might have had a vile effect upon my
      father too.

      C H A P. XXXVII.

      —- ‘TWILL come out of itself
      by and bye. —- All I con-
      tend for is, that I am not obliged to set
      out with a definition of what love is ;
      and so long as I can go on with my story
      intelligibly, with the help of the word
      itself, without any other idea to it, than
      what I have in common with the rest of
      the world, why should I differ from it a
      moment before the time? —- When I


    • [ 145 ]

      can get on no further, — and find myself
      entangled on all sides of this mystick la-
      byrinth, — my Opinion will then come
      in, in course, — and lead me out.

      At present, I hope I shall be suffici-
      ently understood, in telling the reader,
      my uncle Toby fell in love :

      — Not that the phrase is at all to my
      liking : for to say a man is fallen in love,
      — or that he is deeply in love, — or up to
      the ears in love, — and sometimes even
      over head and ears in it, — carries an idio-
      matical kind of implication, that love is
      a thing below a man : — this is recurring
      again to Plato’s opinion, which, with
      all his divinityship, — I hold to be dam-
      nable and heretical ; — and so much for

      Let love therefore be what it will, —
      my uncle Toby fell into it.

      VOL. VI. L — And


    • [ 146 ]

      —- And possibly, gentle reader, with
      such a temptation — so wouldst thou :
      For never did thy eyes behold, or thy
      concupiscence covet any thing in this
      world, more concupiscible than widow

      C H A P. XXXVIII.

      TO conceive this right, — call for pen
      and ink — here’s paper ready to your
      hand. —- Sit down, Sir, paint her to
      your own mind —- as like your mistress
      as you can —- as unlike your wife as
      your conscience will let you — ’tis all
      one to me —- please but your own fancy
      in it.


    • [ 148 ]

      —— Was ever any thing in Nature
      so sweet ! — so exquisite !

      —- Then, dear Sir, how could my
      uncle Toby resist it ?

      Thrice happy book ! thou wilt have
      one page, at least, within thy covers,
      which MALICE will not blacken, and
      which IGNORANCE cannot misrepresent.

      C H A P. XXXIX.

      AS Susannah was informed by an ex-
      press from Mrs. Bridget, of my
      uncle Toby’s falling in love with her
      mistress, fifteen days before it happened,
      — the contents of which express, Susan-
      nah communicated to my mother the
      next day, — it has just given me an op-
      portunity of entering upon my uncle
      Toby’s amours a fortnight before their
      2 I have


    • [ 149 ]

      I have an article of news to tell you,
      Mr. Shandy, quoth my mother, which
      will surprise you greatly. ——

      Now my father was then holding one
      of his second beds of justice, and was
      musing within himself about the hard-
      ships of matrimony, as my mother
      broke silence. ——

      “ —- My brother Toby, quoth she,
      “ is going to be married to Mrs. Wad-
      “ man.”

      —- Then he will never, quoth my
      father, be able to lie diagonally in his bed
      again as long as he lives.

      It was a consuming vexation to my
      father, that my mother never asked the
      meaning of a thing she did not under-
      L 3 —- That


    • [ 150 ]

      —- That she is not a woman of sci-
      ence, my father would say — is her mis-
      fortune — but she might ask a question. —

      My mother never did. —- In short,
      she went out of the world at last without
      knowing whether it turned round, or
      stood still. —- My father had officiously
      told her above a thousand times which
      way it was, — but she always forgot.

      For these reasons a discourse seldom
      went on much further betwixt them,
      than a proposition, — a reply, and a re-
      joinder ; at the end of which, it gene-
      rally took breath for a few minutes, (as
      in the affair of the breeches) and then
      went on again.

      If he marries, ’twill be the worse for
      us, — quoth my mother.
      8 Not


    • [ 151 ]

      Not a cherry-stone, said my father, —
      he may as well batter away his means
      upon that, as any thing else.

      —- To be sure, said my mother : so
      here ended the proposition, — the reply,
      — and the rejoinder, I told you of.

      lt will be some amusement to him,
      too, —- said my father.

      A very great one, answered my mo-
      ther, if he should have children. —-

      —- Lord have mercy upon me, —
      said my father to himself —- * * *
      * * * * * * * * * * *
      * * * * * * * * * * *
      * * * * * * * * * * *
      * * * * * *.

      C H A P.


    • [ 152 ]

      C H A P. XL.

      I Am now beginning to get fairly into
      my work; and by the help of a
      vegitable diet, with a few of the cold
      seeds, I make no doubt but I shall be
      able to go on with my uncle Toby’s story,
      and my own, in a tolerable straight line.


    • [ 153 ]

      These were the four lines I moved in
      through my first, second, third, and
      fourth volumes. —- In the fifth volume
      I have been very good, —- the precise
      line I have described in it being this :

      By which it appears, that except at the
      curve, marked A. where I took a trip
      to Navarre, — and the indented curve B.
      which is the short airing when I was
      there with the Lady Baussiere and her
      page, — I have not taken the least frisk
      of a digression, till John de la Casse’s
      devils led me the round you see marked
      D. — for as for c c c c c they are nothing
      but parentheses, and the common ins
      and outs incident to the lives of the great-
      est ministers of state ; and when com-


    • [ 154 ]

      pared with what men have done, — or
      with my own transgressions at the letters
      A B D — they vanish into nothing.

      In this last volume I have done better
      still — for from the end of Le Fever’s
      episode, to the beginning of my uncle
      Toby’s campaigns, — I have scarce step-
      ped a yard out of my way.

      If I mend at this rate, it is not im-
      possible —- by the good leave of his
      grace of Benevento’s devils —- but I
      may arrive hereafter at the excellency of
      going on even thus ;

      which is a line drawn as straight as I
      could draw it, by a writing-master’s
      ruler, (borrowed for that purpose) turn-
      ing neither to the right hand or to the


    • May the day be within YOU!

      [ 155 ]

      This right line, — the path-way for
      Christians to walk in ! say divines —-

      —- The emblem of moral rectitude !
      says Cicero —-

      —- The best line ! say cabbage-plan-
      ters —- is the shortest line, says Archi-
      medes, which can be drawn from one
      given point to another. —-

      I wish your ladyships would lay
      this matter to heart in your next birth-
      day suits !

      —- What a journey !

      Pray can you tell me, — that is, with-
      out anger, before I write my chapter
      upon straight lines —- by what mis-
      take —- who told them so —- or how it
      has come to pass, that your men of wit
      and genius have all along confounded this
      line, with the line of GRAVITATION.

      END of the SIXTH VOLUME .


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